Meet the cast
Seven characters carry the line. Each one is a job in the building, drawn by the same hand, and each one has a rule: the joke is always on the building, never on the people in the beds.
NIGHT SHIFT RN, PER DIEM
Opal
Clocked out at 1932. Still charting at 2015.
Opal works nights because days are loud. She has closed a chart at 0300 with one eye open, signed the missed-break attestation with the other, and once played dead for eleven seconds when the pump alarmed during report. Tired but content, which on nights is the same thing as thriving.
ICU NURSE
Levi
Keeps the MAP above 65 and the vibes below it.
Levi works the ICU and has never once been asked how his shift is going, because everyone can see it. He hangs the first drip before the second question. The stripes are not a costume. He handles pressure well, in the sense that he handles the pressure and then the pressure bag. Levi's one rule: MAP before vibes.
HAS BADGE ACCESS. NOBODY KNOWS WHY.
Kevin
Loading dock, parking deck, break-room pizza. Unbothered.
Kevin is a pigeon. Kevin has a badge. Nobody issued the badge. Kevin has been on the loading dock, in the parking deck, at the break-room pizza at 1630, and in one MRI suite, briefly. His visitor sticker has been on so long it is part of him. Kevin is grossly unremarkable and would like that in the chart.
FLOAT POOL ATTENDING
Dr. Flo
Large, calm, assigned wherever. Has already seen this.
Dr. Flo is float pool, which means she has attended on every unit in the building and formed an opinion about each one. Reading glasses low, coat open, doppler on a coiled cord. She discusses with attending by talking to herself. Hope is not a plan; Dr. Flo has a plan. It is usually “will continue to monitor.”
THE TUBE SYSTEM
Stat
Arrives eventually. OUT OF ORDER tag included.
Stat is the tube system. Stat carries a pneumatic carrier instead of a shell and has been stable for transfer since 2019. Stat is not slow; Stat is pending. If you have ever walked a specimen to the lab yourself, you have met Stat, briefly, on the way back.
MS3
Hank
Doctor loading. Debt-free in 2047.
Hank is a third-year medical student, which he will tell you within a minute. Short white coat, cheeks full of flashcards, a lanyard he has not taken off since orientation. Hank knows the answer. Hank needs thirty seconds. Hank will present after he panics. Doctor loading.
PGY-2
Axel
Indestructible. Slightly translucent from exhaustion.
Axel is a second-year resident and an axolotl, which is the same thing. Axel regenerates: from the 28-hour call, from the July 1 reset, from the pager. Axel brings their own IV pole. Everything in this building beeps and Axel has made peace with that. Serene, pink, permanently smiling, technically alive.